Cheers to the Consistent Parent
Source/Author: Mike Murphy, Headmaster
February 10, 2017
One of my best friends sent his 9-year-old son, who is a sports fanatic, to bed crying and protesting at the end of the third quarter of the Super Bowl. My friend called looking for affirmation that he made the right decision on the school night. He knew that he was going to need moral support in about seven hours when his child woke up to learn that New England overcame a 25-point deficit to win the game. I wonder how many of our own Shorecrest families faced a similar challenge the Monday morning after Super Bowl LI?
Parents are regularly faced with decisions that will influence the health and well-being of their children:
- Establishing a bedtime
- How much screen time
- Required reading/piano/activity time
- Food choices
- Friendships
- Number of after school activities
- G?, PG? PG-13 at what age?
- Passenger in a new driver’s car?
- Spend the night or weekend?
- Skip school to get more sleep
- Style of clothing
- Hair style
- Tattoo or not
- Piercing or not
- Permission for one child but not for another
Over the years, I have observed that the most balanced children are the ones who can predict what their parents are going to say and do when faced with a health and safety choice. Their parents are consistent. The parents may be liberals, conservatives or moderates but they are predictable and this creates safety for children. That’s not to say that an occasional “treat” or break from routine is not healthy for everyone (like staying up to see the end of the Super Bowl) but on a day to day basis the guidelines are clear and consistent for the child.
For many of us this is easier said than done. We and our children are exposed to so many parenting styles that there are times when a parent/guardian feels like he or she is on an island. Finding like-minded allies may not be as easy as it once was. The best friends who agree on the importance of sleep and bedtime may have wildly different views on the role of technology in the lives of children. The parent committed to allowing only one after school activity per season may feel enormous pressure when others in the class are having “enrichment” five or six days a week.
I salute the adults who have the courage to stand up for their own values and rear their children in ways that allow adults and children alike to have safe and sane life styles. It takes a level of courage, confidence and love to maintain the consistent patterns of parenting that allow our children to predict a decision before they ask. Of course, our children will ask and will hope they can get parents/guardians to stretch the rules. That is part of growing up.
I admire my friend for being consistent with his son. If he was smart he went to work early and avoided the walk of shame that from time to time happens to even the best parent. His son missed an unpredictable “once in a life-time moment.” There will be others and next time he will have ammunition when he makes his case for a delayed bedtime.
Cheers!
Mike
