Using Our Brains
Source/Author: Mike Murphy, Headmaster
November 15, 2019
Face-to-face playground conflicts can be hurtful. When conflicts arise online, the misperceived anonymity and privacy of social media can allow children to act in ways that they would never behave in real life. While families can often understand the reasons behind face-to-face disagreements, they can be dumbstruck by online behavior that is so out of character for the child they know and love.
It's popular to equate technology with freedom - the freedom to work remotely, communicate across the globe easily, or purchase products with a thumbprint. While I enjoy the benefits of technology immensely, I acknowledge that children experience that 'freedom' differently. Social media, smartphones, and rideshares give children greater access to the world outside of their families, but those tools have also taken away the authentic freedom that children, tweens and teens have enjoyed in the past. At risk of sounding really old and stodgy, there is nothing "smart" about a phone that invites children to share photos and messages that can create chaos and pain in their lives and the lives of others. The loss of privacy is a loss of freedom.
Recently, a Shorecrest family shared with me an episode of The Hidden Brain podcast titled “You Can’t Hit Unsend,” produced by Shankar Vendantam. The 53-minute podcast is a thoughtfully detailed cautionary tale.
Mr. Vendantam introduces listeners to a very talented young man who made a mistake that changed his life. My friends and I believe that every family of tweens and teens would benefit from hearing the story. I encourage you to listen to the podcast with your family and to think deeply about the risks we take when we let our children have the tools and opportunities with which they can hurt themselves and others.
Most of the time, the mistakes our children make are minor and serve as learning opportunities for them. But mistakes like the one the student in the podcast story made are irrevocable. I like to think that most of our students would not make an irrevocable mistake. I also like to think that Shorecrest students would speak up to help their friends avoid making them, too. Whether it be on the playground, in the gym or in social media, our children need to insist on responsible, respectful behavior that demonstrates integrity. Talking about ways to stand up for friends or to talk them out of pushing send when it will perpetuate an unhealthy discussion or topic is an important role for adults at school and at home.
Listen to the Hidden Brain podcast with your children. When they say they would never do something that stupid, keep in mind that some pretty smart kids mentioned in the podcast were pushing send. The desire to be accepted can be so alluring that our children may do, say and print things that even they may not imagine possible. We protect them by having the loving and direct conversations that hopefully instill values and tools for avoiding behavior that may hurt others and/or themselves.
Cheers!
Mike
